Dear Farm Journal,

Sometimes as I work through my day or reminisce with one of my parents about the farm, I become acutely aware of how fast time flies.  This last week I spent some time clearing trees and cleaning up around our sauna building that I started working on over ten years ago.  For some reason, we started this project but never finished it, and there it has sat untouched for the last decade. It is a bit embarrassing to think I couldn’t be bothered to finish this project, especially considering the incredible reward one gets from sitting in a hot ass room on a cold ass night.  But for some reason this project has continually been shoved down the to do list until last week. And this is the legacy of a family farm or a piece of property which has been in the family for a long time. You begin walking around and noticing the half done projects are all your half done projects, not some other recent owner.  It is I with my big ideas and lack of follow through which now populate this place. Each project is a reminder of how I couldn’t quite make it work or a reminder of how relationships have broken down, another way ideas die. Sometimes this is hard to take. Sometimes it feels a bit overwhelming. Sometimes in my darkest moments, it becomes the reason in my head for moving on, for heading someplace new where I can try again.  Usually these moments hit the hardest when I am broke monetarily or when the weather is uncomfortable and I’m dreaming of some sort of easy peasy inside job. In these moments, the idea of what I’m trying to accomplish in life becomes confusing, ridiculously idealistic, and wholly idiotic. It becomes a bit tiring living with this legacy and as I get older it seems fear has a slightly tighter grip over any new idea. I don’t want to look out upon another half done project, another failed vision.  So what can I do to combat this? Well for starters, I can finish the damn project, the sauna for one! This becomes the key, go back to those long dead projects and wrap them up. Enjoy the reminiscing with the folks and don’t let their half done projects frustrate, enjoy the story, listen to the story, learn from it. The truth is, Joy and I have made a lot of progress. She pushes me in a good way and brings her new energy and growing capacity to see herself in this place. For her she doesn’t carry the baggage of two generations of big dreams.  Hopefully this energy continues to grow in her. She has that unique intensity in her which I believe to be so important when deciding to take on this lifestyle. A good mix of tenacity and need for organization. And it isn’t as if the full burden of checking these projects off the list should be placed upon her shoulders because she should have her own list, but a team is always better than one, and one good team is infinitely better than almost anything else. A team working together can check off the list quicker and begin moving on to the new, feeling a confidence gained from doing good work on the projects at hand.  

~Joy